Another one from my personal office collection: This one was produced, I believe, by Mr. Bierenbaum (not sure of the spelling right now). A1 recto printing on canary yellow midweight. Looks like a some form of laser dye sublimation printing, with an open-book clipart dongle in the upper left. Text is centred and continues on overleaf. Reads:
Legislative Page Programme at Queen's Park
[ed: title is underscored by thirty-five five-pointed aterices, all pointing up]
Things We'll remember
Nomadic Headless Chickens
Peter is not strange, he's weird [weird emphasized by underscoring]
Heather and Huey's Hat hospital
"fish or fowl"
It's _______'s fault!
daily meaningful conversations with Sean
Guiseppe's nose
Lisa on the phone for a change
a certian can of spray repelant
constipated ewoks
Getting smurfed
button buddies
Throwing helpless chickens around the room [ed: B-15 front office]
red jello and whipped cream [I love those cafeteria burgers and the fries with gravy]
the Georgester, theGeorgemeister, George-a-rama
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 One more time!
decorating the tree
How many Matt Daviau's does it take to change a lightbulb?
PM's cologne [that Mulroney was one stinky guy. too bad peter got cast as the P.C. poster boy. His gangly limbs made the chin look so much bigger]
Where is the backroom? Certain pages know the answer
Conor the killer
Mme. Caplan talking and chewing, and talking and chewing
"Shut up Mark!"
[ed: here ends the firs side and begins the second]
Peter's PM dreams come true
Proposing to Suzanne [Where is Arthur these days? Did the mariage last?]
Kraft Dinner [A Can-con staple]
Call 9-1-1 [fuck off, fletcher]
that's cold [wow, I remember when that was a cool phrase]
Froyd Laughhren [quick - throw a chicken at the underscored r]
Tamara and Tamara and Tamara creeps on this petty pace.
That's stooopid
The minister of fish [tsabouchi's punishment for telling welfare mothers to eat dented tins of seafood]
[curious] Geroge's first subay ride [on a field trip to the Hard Rock Cafe in the Skydome]
The gentle perfume of Doritos wafting through the office [B-15 was hard to keep clean]
Orange juice for breakfast
Lindsay and honey bear sitting in a tree....
Trade names with Gigantes.....
Oh God, our heavenly father...
orange sherbit
la jingle
Mom's making cookies! New chocolatley chip cookies!
the nerf count
Snow White
a limited vocabulary in sign language
Erica's R rated bear
Leah, they can't all be boring
A certian smell at the end of the day
They all start with K (Kwestions, Komments, Kwerries and Konsens)
Hanna Rose, I'm home again Rose...
Hell no, We won't go!!!!!
Because of your age.
[whew - a big burst of memories there]
posted by OwenF at 11:15 PM
Final lyrics sheet for the Lt.Gov's christmas chior. 8 1/2 inches by 14 inches, recto. My copy has a transverse centre crease and some crumpling near the top end.
Two-column layout, MC-lyrics on the left, chorus lyrics on the right. Beginning with the first column I'm not going to bother with following the capitalization of the origional:
We the pages of ontario's queen's park are
working hard to please our art.
North wing, whitney, main bulding, basement
we'll go wherever we're sent.
Ba Boom
Oh Oh Martel and harris they love to fight
even when the session lasts all night
twenty-four pages wanting their pay cheques
going to the bank tonight
Ba Boom
We the pages of Ontario are
Making friends from near and far
Caplan blabbing, Tilson spraying
While Stockwell calls 911
Ba Boom
Oh Oh Martel and harris they love to fight
even when the session lasts all night
twenty-four pages wanting their pay cheques
going to the bank tonight
Ba Boom
Mommy and daddy are staring at us
while foolishly making a very big fuss.
Everybody thinks we're crazy
until they find out that we're paid.
Ba Boom
Oh Oh Martel and harris they love to fight
even when the session lasts all night
twenty-four pages wanting their pay cheques
going to the bank tonight
Ba Boom
What follows in this column is simply a repeat of the scrap archived earlier, less the line about Caplan and Gigantes.
The second column reads:
Chorus
Verse 1
now Matt is a page.
YA YA YA YA YA!
and George is a page.
YA YA YA YA YA!
and Heather is a page
YA YA YA YA YA!
and Tamara is a page
YA YA YA YA YA!
VERSE 2
Now Arthur's not a page
NO NO NO NO NO!
and Mrs. R's not a page
NO NO NO NO NO!
and Mr. B's not a page
NO NO NO NO NO!
and Mrs. Farmer's not a page
NO NO NO NO NO!
VERSE 3
now Peter is a page.
and Sean is a page.
and Lindsay is a page.
and Tamara is a page.
CHORUS
VERSE 4
now Owen is a page.
and Jamie is a page.
and Lisa is a page.
and Alia is a page.
VERSE 5
now Connor is a page.
and Billy is a page.
and Hannah-Rose is a page.
and Leah is a page.
VERSE 6
now Anne is a page.
and Noel is a page.
and Andrew is a page.
and Mark is a page.
CHORUS
VERSE 7
now Kate is a page.
and Melanie is a page.
and Michael is a page.
and Matt is a page.
CHORUS
Come here (snap)
Go there (snap)
Come here (snap)
Go there (snap)
You're a page.
Your a page.
You're a page. (a page).
You're a pa-a-a-a-age, because of your age.
[Editorial note: The program from the chirstmas chior continues on the back of the page with the following two poems stacked against each other radiating out from the upper-left corner of the folio]
SONG SUNG TO TOM'S DINER
We were sitting on the corner of the dias all alone,
and I thought to myself this place is now my home.
Jumping from my thoughts into a mishap.
I got up responding to a snap.
It was Caplan wanting water, she'd been yapping I could tell
She keeps talking on and on lie she runs on Duracell
Fletcher with his cookies, Stockwell needs 911
Watching M.P.P's is always half the fun
Mr. Speaker we can see you reading all your books
Can't you see the M.P.P's giving dirty looks.
Runciman got kicked out for something that he said
I don't know about you but I think he just went to bed.
I'm hearing Caplan's Voice...!
[ed: this is where it breaks off into the second poem on the back of the sheet.]
T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE MONDAY
AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE
NOT A MEMBER WAS SCREAMING
NOT EVEN CHRIS STOCKWELL!!!!
HIS SIGN WAS HUNG
BY HIS DESK WITH CARE
WITH HOPES THAT
THE POLICE WOULD SOON BE THERE.
THE SPEAKER SAT ON HIS THRONE IN DISMAY
WITH VISIONS OF THE HOUSE SITTING NEXT DAY.
CAPLAN WAS TALKING 2 HOURS A DAY,
RUNCIMAN WAS EJECTED FOR HIS FOOLISH PLAY.
THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO DO
WHAT CAN FLETCHER SAY
"STICK YOUR FINGER UP YOUR BUM
AND TAKE IT OUT THE SAME WAY"
BUT HARK THE DOORS OF THE CHAMBER FLY OPEN
MR. WARNER FELL ASLEEP IN HIS CHAIR
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO
RUN FOR THE HILLS
NEVER COME BACK
THOSE MEMBERS CAN GIVE YOU THE CHILLS.
posted by OwenF at 10:43 PM
Not sure who wrote this one. Looks like a 4th generation recto A1 on a photocopier. Origional appears to be a dot-matrix print job with a sidescrolling tape catridge. Text is centred on the vertical axis, and the sheet in my office is creased on both the horizontal and vertical axies.
There apears to be a dipthong enunciation marking penned in over the first character.
Text reads:
A Page's Job!!!
(To act like a dog by responding to continuous snaps, looking like you're having fun and answering dumb questions.)
"I'am sitting in the corner of the dias all alone,
and I'am very bored,I just want to go home!
Time is dragging on and the M.P.P.'s keep talking,
and I wish I could just get up and never return."
"Fletcher's out of cookies, and Bob Rae is really sad,
cause he never sees his kids, that too would make me made.
Caplin smacks her gum through out her whole entire speech,
and we can't help her cause she's beyond help's reach."
"DIT, DIT, DE, DIT'S..."
"Stockwell holds his call police sign, he thinks he is very funny, but the N.D.P.'s think that he is annoying, and by this time I think they want to go home too."
"DIT,DIT,DE,DIT's..."
"Mulroney is weird,and he's got a massive chin, and in the new election I don't think he will win. My breaks a very short and I don't get any time, I want to go home,so we'll end our rhyme."
"DIT,DIT,DE,DIT's..."
THE END!!!
(Theme sign "Tom's diner.")
I think this piece was composed while listening to "Tom's Diner" in the front office of B-15 and trying to find information about Bill Murdoch on Arthur's old Mac Classic wired into the Queen's Park intranet. There were probably about 5 pages in the room at the time, given the hour of the day and the fact that the radio was on.
posted by OwenF at 9:58 PM
Just transcribing some old notes from my page days.
Notes a coryphean note towards our christmas chior for the Lt.Gov.
Stricken lines restored. Origional on file in my office.
We're the pages, from O.F. 7
Hell knows where we came from but it sure aint heaven.
Boy-eeeeee! [editorial note: come on, it was nineties!]
Stop what you're doin', Bob Rae's about to ruin, the image of the province that you're used to. We look funny, but we're all makein' money,
Yo, see we hope you're ready for we!
We're the the new pages in town, and we like to take the subway and the underground.
We've broken toy trucks and we'll even break shelves,
So now let us introduce ourselves:
We're the pages.
We got clothes from the ages.
When we're bad, Arthur rages.
We're here brothers, sisters from near and far,
Let's talk about members like Rosane Barr.
Yeah we mean Caplan, the cream of the crop.
When she gets up to speak, she don't know how to stop!
Yo! Caplan! Trade names with Gigantes!
Where'd you get that size of panties?
Hey Stockwell! You lookie lookie!
Be more like Fletcher, give us a cookie cookie.
Put down your sign, quit your gibberish!
Hey loudmouth, come here, are you tickelish?
Yeah, we called you loud, look at us we're quiet.
Ask Malkowski, we'd never start a riot.
Now Fletcher. There's a mouth that can flap.
But we can't say more, it's the end of this wrap.
Yo!
[Ed: The paper (standard 8 1/2"x11" in recto format) is torn beneath this line.]
posted by OwenF at 9:35 PM
A little about me. I'm from group 7, 35th parliament.
posted by OwenF at 4:27 PM 